Toronto had some controversy this weekend over this super xenophobic billboard and right in the middle of this whole controversy someone just vandalized it and now its so good
Kitty discovers the joy of guitar strumming
Failed Prank
I like how that cat obviously avoided the tape on sheer autopilot and it’s wondering what the fuck just happened
That was a “Wait, what?” if ever I saw one.
If there’s a “heavens no” and a “hell yes” why isn’t there a “purgatory maybe”
PURGHAPS
takes a lot of confidence to look at a newborn baby and go oh yeah that’s a Gary
Gary is an odd name. It was completely unknown before 1929, when Gary Cooper starred in his first talkie, The Virginian. And Cooper, born Frank James Cooper, took his stage name from the city of Gary, Indiana. So it’s as if someone said, “Hey, I think I’ll change my name to Albuquerque” and people just said “okay, that’s a normal name now,” and named their kids after him for 40 years.
Canada has two genres of political writing:
1) Canada is losing this thing that it’s actually not losing if you think for two minutes and aren’t an irrational pessimist.
2) Canada is winning this thing that was never even a competition to begin with.
Perplexingly, both are often written by the same person.
today i was talking to my therapist about being upset that my dad wanted a daughter and she told me 'your father is crying by a grave of his own making that has no corpse in it. you do not need to fill it for him and are not required to weep beside him' and I had to take a sip of water bc my mind stopped working for a moment
Jesus Christ I hate that we live in a time where I can see this with no context:
and immediately I know exactly what has happened
“I also think it’s weird in movies, when someone has amnesia, and they wake up in the hospital, a lot of times surrounded by friends and family, but when they open their eyes they go ‘WHO ARE YOU?!’ because that’s not how you act when you don’t recognize somebody. That’s very rude. It would be chaos out there if every time you saw someone you didn’t recognize you went ‘WHO ARE YOU?!’. I always try to be really polite in life, so if I had amnesia, you’d never know it! I’d wake up and they’d be like ‘Hi John, we’re so happy you’re awake’ and I’d just be like, ‘Oh, hey man… How’s it going? Oh hey dude, nice to see you again’ because that’s how you act when you can tell that someone recognizes you and you have no fucking clue who they are.”
— John Mulaney
Excellent point.
John Mulaney woke up with amnesia once and never told anyone because he was too worried about being rude
“Scared cat gets saved by two French guys”
(Source)
This is so adorable:
1) those two guys don’t know each other at all, they both stopped independently when they saw the kitten
2) they both come to the conclusion that it was abandoned, and seem really distraught and concerned as to how it ended up there
3) the biker says he’d take the kitten home himself, but he’s allergic, so the pink and grey shirt guy agrees to look after it instead
OK, since people are asking, here’s an extremely rough translation:
Moto: No! There’s a little kitten in the road! You’re kidding!
Pinkgrey: *something unintelligible*
M: Yeah, yeah!
P (in English, to an oncoming driver): Stop!
M (to the kitten): No! Come here, you. *kissing noises* C’mon. Little one, what are you doing here? No, little one.
P: *unintelligible*
M: I don’t know. I’d take him, but unfortunately I’m allergic. But, y’know, can’t leave him here. ??? little one, c’mon. Lost, someone abandoned him. How did he end up here?
P: Give him to me.
M: Are you gonna take him? Oh, thank you so much. ???, fortunately.
P: *unintelligible*
M: But it’s so weird that he was here, in the middle of the road. Oh, he’s so cute.
*cut*
M: Alright, thank you very much. No, of course - have a nice day, goodbye!
Thank you 🙏🏼
i never thought i’d write the words “deeply evil carpet” but. seriously. what a deeply evil carpet that is.
And what you should do is to put this over an actual trap, like a hole in the floor so people will be like “Oh ha ha ha that’s soooo funny, it’s a rug!” And then fall through it.
are you satan
i taught swim lessons and preschool, do y’all wanna hear the most ridiculous white kid names i’ve ever seen?
- i’ve met at least a dozen children named some form of “jackson” but the best ones were “jaxon” and “jakson”
- a parent who i really liked named her son “jaycob” because she was worried people wouldn’t pronounce it correctly. when someone accidentally spelled it “jacob” she would loudly and obnoxiously ask “WHO’S JAH-KOBE?”
- two siblings named “thor” and “tiara”
- i once had a classroom with four girls named “brooklyn”
- if you sent me a list of popular boy names, i could guarantee i’ve met every single one of them
- twin girls named paisley and brinley
- a girl named reader
- a boy named rocko
- keighleey
- kayde
- kolten
- if it can start with a “k” instead of a “c” i have met that child
- brittalynn
- i taught a swim class with three girls named “london” but only one of them was spelled “lundon” and i know my boss did that to me on purpose
- a couple named all their kids after places in arizona: tatum, payson, and hayden
- and speaking of hayden, i’ve seen: haydon, heighden, and heydon
- according to some white people, there are sixteen different ways to spell mckenzie
- lakelyn, blakelynn
this is white culture
I had a student named Branch.
I once had pair of siblings named Hunter and Tanner. I really wanted them to have a sister named Fawn.
I had a Clark and Ophelia that were a bit unusual in the naming department.
And I had every single imaginable version of a girl’s name staring with “Mad-“ and every single imaginable version of a boy’s name ending in “-aden”
Mom’s a teacher. So far her best/worst white kid names:
- “Damion with a Y” according to the parent. Daymion? Damyon? Nope. Damiony. The Y is silent, said parent
- A girl named Free. Maybe not that bad on its own, but the girl’s last name was Love
- A boy named Calup because his mom couldn’t spell Caleb
the y is silenty
Had a preschooler at my mom’s school named Seven. Another boy in the past named Sir.
There are brothers at my school named Hunter and Fisher, so I guess their parents enjoy the outdoors. Also my coworker has 2 students named London but they both spell it Londyn, what are the odds
When I was a kid a bunch of my friends had hippie-ass parents who fell on various points along the woo spectrum. There were your basic nature kids - Willow, Robin, Swan, Forest, Jade, Rain, Leaf, Lotus, River, Breeze, Petal, &c. - but there were also the odder ones, like Aeolus, Bubblepop, Unicorn, Ravensong (this one drove me crazy, because, like, they don’t sing? They aggressively scream at you?), or the brother and sister named Nemo and Nada
love how sometimes i’m like “oh, i should put this somewhere safe so i don’t lose it and know exactly where to find it later!” and about a month later i’m standing in my ransacked room trying to get into past me’s mindset like some kinda amateur historian on one of those history channel treasure hunting shows trying to get into the mind of a nineteenth century pirate to figure out where they hid some possibly nonexistent apocryphal loot
having memory problems is like being an archaeologist of your own life and it isn’t nearly as exciting as it sounds
"If I was me, where would I have put it?" Is a phrase I repeat like a maddened sorceror, chanting nonsense incantations, as I search for a small object that I distinctly remember putting somewhere, while thinking, "Ah ha! If I put it here, I won't lose it!"
kresh962
